I spend quite a bit of time hanging out in forums on the Internet. I gravitate to places where ideas and events are exchanged, dicussed, argued over, rebutted, disclaimed, proved or otherwise dissected, chewed up, spit out and rehashed endlessly with minute variations. I tend to hang out at reddit.com, dancarlin.com and armedpolitesociety.com the most.
So what have I learned? A lot, actually.
I have a big mouth for a little guy. Always have and probably always will. I have an opinion about everything and I’m not shy. When I first got on the Internet I, probably like many of you, had a lot of virtual arguments. They used to be called flame wars. Maybe they still are. The point of my telling you that I had a lot of virtual arguments is this – I wasn’t convincing anyone of anything. I’ve been learning though. Tip: calling someone a fag NEVER convinces them you have a valid point. Study fallacies. I probably engaged in every single one of these at some point. How stupid of me.
The single most important lesson I have learned from the Internet is that it is a pointless waste of time to take any attack personally. Who cares? There are six billion people in the world. Some of them will not like you. Some of them will disagree with you. It is much more productive to spend your time finding people you are compatible with than arguing with those people you are not compatible with. If you are going to argue, do it because you enjoy it.
Second and almost as important is the lesson that you can control your own emotions when someone is making a personal attack. You don’t have to react. If you do react, it should be rationally, without emotion and well thought out. When being attacked on the Internet, the first thought that flashes through your head is usually the last thing you should put in the comment box. One of the best responses I’ve found to an attack is to ask a question that rephrases the attacker’s sentiment. This usually gives me time to think over what the original intent was and to rebut it logically instead of just blurting out things like “you stupid horsefaced fatass” or “your mom and your dads all smell” etc. Of course it is still fun to descend into verbal jousting sometimes and usually it is safe enough. If you do it often though (and I speak from experience) it tends to have a negative effect on your overall mindset. Days past when I have spent several hours in a flamewar I had a worse day overall. I don’t know if I am growing out of the need to win an argument or have simply realized the complete pointlessness of negative conversations. If I am not getting through then why did I bother?
I learn a lot more from other people when I filter out the negative ones and focus in on those individuals who are willing to discuss and consider. I learn a lot more when I ask questions about why someone has an opposing viewpoint instead of merely arguing against that viewpoint.
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